Tip of My Tongue
by Angell4NEPatriots
Summary: Brooke has a difficult decision to make...will she let her insecurities get the better of her or will she find the courage to fight what she wants most. BRULIAN Based on spoilers, one-shot for now though it may become two parts depending on interest...


**A/N First of all, a HUGE thank you to those of you who read my first attempt at a OTH fic. Another HUGE thank you to those who left reviews. I was overwhelmed by your response and they totally made my day, I LOVED every single one of them!!! Secondly, I started this one-shot a few weeks ago during the shows hiatus. I was almost reluctant to post this once I saw last night's episode 6.17, which I thought was AMAZING! The episode makes this effort seem lacking somehow but I put a lot of energy into it and I thought I would post it anyway. Based on spoilers that Julian leaves Tree Hill (and some other spoilers that are implied as well), my version of what I would like to see happen. However since I am such a spoiler addict, I already know nothing like this scenario (especially in light of 6.17 airing) is going to play out but I thought I would post it anyway since I am so inspired by Brulian! **

**I didn't give Julian much of a point of view in this one; this is all Brooke's story. I may add to this by featuring Julian's POV in another update if there is any interest for that. But for now I accidently stumbled upon a song that I think gives his POV perfectly. Since I had already finished the story I thought I would post the lyrics at the beginning in the hopes of enhancing where he is coming from without having to rewrite the story all over again. LOL Thank you in advance for reading.  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to OTH or Kelly Clarkson's song Tip of My Tongue. All mistakes are mine and apologize for in advance. **

**TIP OF MY TONGUE By Kelly Clarkson**

_Never saw 'I Love You' as a trend_

_'Cause I don't really work like that_

_I mean what I say when it leaves my lips, _

_oh Nothin' you could say would change my heart_

_'Cause I don't really love like that_

_If you'd only let me in I'd show ya_

_But I'm tired of workin' so hard_

_You keep pushin' me away _

_Tearin' down your walls_

_Is forcing me to break_

_Don't know what to say will you ever let me in_

_It's hard for me to pretend_

_So tell me what you wanna do _

_Tell me is there any other way_

_**Chorus:**_

_**'Cause goodbye's on the tip of my tongue**_

_**Tell me there's a reason to stay**_

_**Cause I'm about to get up and run**_

_**Better think about the words you say**_

_**If you don't wanna end up alone**_

_**Tell me is there any room for me**_

_**Cause when it's all said and done babe**_

_**I'm tired of singin', oh**_

_**Goodbye's on the tip of my tongue, oh**_

_**Goodbye's on the tip of my ...**_

_Never confuse me with where you've been_

_Cause I don't really work like that_

_If I'm holdin you then I'm all in_

_I know you're scared, yeah you've been burned_

_But I won't ever hurt you like that_

_If you'd take a chance I'm not like them, them them_

_Give and get nothin' in return_

_You don't seem to care_

_You're not the only one who hurt_

_Tell me is there any other way_

_**CHORUS**_

_Why ya gotta pull away_

_Pull away and leave me hangin'_

_Why ya gotta make me say_

_Don't make me say what you've been thinkin' all along_

_Ohohoh_

_Goodbye's on the tip of my tongue, oh_

_I'm about to get up and run_

_**CHORUS**_

**TIP OF MY TONGUE**

Brooke retired to her room early in the hopes of shutting out the rest of the world and all of her troubles until morning. If only it were that easy. That would require her finding a way to turn off her mind and that was not possible considering all she had going on inside it. The latest words exchanged with both Victoria and Sam was reverberating in her head. The look on Sam's face when she handed her the letter from her Birth mother also haunted Brooke. That was not even allowing Brooke room to focus on her own fears as she had no idea regarding the contents of the letter. She couldn't help but wonder if she was going to lose Sam the way she had Angie, except this time it was different. With Angie Brooke had known things were temporary, where as with Sam she had actually begun to believe that Sam would stay with her until it was time for her to go off to college. Things certainly hadn't been easy with the two of them in the beginning but then were things ever easy with a teenager. They had always resolved their issues and Brooke had come to love Sam like she would a daughter despite the small age gap between them. Sam may have only been in Brooke's life for a few months but she filled it up to the point where she couldn't imagine her not being a part of it. Now all of that was being threatened by a letter. Brooke was no stranger to sacrifice and if Sam wanted to establish a relationship with her real mother, Brooke would support that decision no matter how much it tore her to pieces inside. She wanted what was best for Sam and she would never stand in the way of that. Just because she shared a miserable relationship with her own mother didn't mean Sam had to follow that example. However that did not mean she was just going to hand Sam over to her mother; she was going to require a lot of proof that that woman was ready and willing to provide a stable home for the young girl. Sam had come such a long way in such a short period of time and Brooke was not going to let anyone, let alone Sam's real mother, jeopardize all of her amazing progress. Sam had tested Brooke and her commitment, Brooke had plans to test the woman's commitment to Sam, if it came to that. She knew she was getting ahead of herself since she had yet to find out what the letter said but she figured there was no harm in mentally preparing herself for that possible eventuality.

She certainly hadn't been prepared for Victoria to sweep back into her life like a bad wind before a destructive storm. The minute Brooke had signed over her company to her mother she had never expected to see Victoria Davis again. Why would she when Victoria had the only thing she ever cared about. Knowing that her mother wasn't behind her attack didn't change any of the dynamics in their dysfunctional relationship. She was still the daughter that neither of her parents wanted and she was done trying to earn their love! She had the love of her friends, the love of her daughter and the love an incredible man, there was nothing she needed from them anymore. She stopped missing them a long time ago and wishing that things would change. But she would be damned if she gave Victoria the chance to screw up Sam's life the way she had tried to do to her own daughters. Brooke had not figured out what Victoria hoped to gain by using Sam but she promised to put a stop to it. She wasn't even hurt or upset that Sam tried to reconcile the two; she had little understanding of their history as Brooke had refused to talk about it with her. She knew that Sam was only hearing Victoria's side of things and that meant her version was seriously skewed. Brooke realized that she had no other alternative but to have a chat with Sam about her own mommy dearest. It wasn't a conversation that she was looking forward to but she knew it was necessary if she had any hopes of defeating Victoria at whatever game she was playing this time. Sam may not know what kind of bitch Victoria was and it was up to her to protect her from ever discovering that the hard way!

None of this recent drama prevented her from thinking about how much she missed Julian, who had returned to his life in LA three weeks ago today. The first few days he was gone she allowed herself to miss him. It had been such a long time since a guy mattered to her, made such a difference in her life and she had forgotten how it felt to be so connected to someone that it felt like there was something missing inside you when they weren't with you. Being reminded of this scared the hell out of her though because it made her realize how close Julian had gotten to her; he had spent the past few months destroying all the walls she had carefully constructed around her heart. She had only had a few days to contemplate this before Victoria had arrived, complicating her and Sam's lives. The more Brooke had to deal with all the usual poison Victoria infected Brooke and all those who mattered to her, the more she found herself wishing Julian were here. It would have been nice to have him around to vent to, to hear him say that it was all going to be okay, even if he didn't know how yet. It would have been comforting to have him take her in his arms, to wipe away her tears of frustration, to have him kiss her and fall asleep next to her knowing he would be there to turn to in the night and greet her with a kiss in the morning. It was those wishes combined with the empty feeling that helped her to recognize how much she had come to rely on him since he had entered her life. He had made it so damn easy for her to depend on him with his subtle ways until she hadn't realized how much of an effect he had on her until he was gone. This newfound awareness marked the turning point in her behavior towards him. She was determined to deal with life's curve balls on her own; she didn't need to rely on any man, no matter how great he may be, to fix her problems. She was Brooke Penelope Davis and she was used to taking on the world alone. From the moment of her epiphany she tried desperately hard not to miss him. Sometimes she even thought she was doing a decent job of it to, until she heard his voice. Any and all progress disappeared as soon as he spoke into the phone and she had no choice but to admit to herself that she was failing miserably. And each night after they hung up, she vowed to pursue her dedication to stop missing him more earnestly the next day. She figured it was better to get ahead of the pain now rather than when it came later down the road once the phone calls tapered off and eventually ceased all together, which is what she anticipated would happen. Presently he called every night but they were only three weeks into this long distance relationship. The chances that anything would ever come of this were highly unlikely. The sad fact was most couples did not survive long distance relationships. Things had happened so fast between them and perhaps now they were not so wrapped up in one another they would conclude they were not as serious about one another as they once thought. She supposed they were still in the honeymoon stage in their relationship which meant everything was still so new and exciting. Once the novelty wore off, she expected things to change drastically. How could they not? It wouldn't be easy for her to go see him, not with Victoria hovering like the vicious shark she was, trying to manipulate Sam for whatever evil game she was currently playing and she did not want to leave Sam for too long. Plus she did not want to give anyone reason that a guy was more her priority than Sam was. Sure Naley could take Sam for the weekend every now and then but that wasn't enough to sustain a proper relationship with Julian. It was completely unfair to expect him to do all the traveling. He had a career to focus on, which meant he had to be in LA, thick among the Hollywood scene with all those beautiful people. It was only a matter of time before he would meet someone else who interested him. She certainly wouldn't blame him either. The idea of him being with someone else was total agony but she understood it was just the natural course of things. That is why she concluded that emotional distance was the best course of action on her part. She hated what she was doing to him but her instincts to protect herself had finally kicked in. She felt like a complete bitch even if she wasn't acting like one with him. It wasn't lost on her that her distant attitude may have been hurting him but she was confident it would not last for very long. In her mind she always saw Julian moving on beyond her, while he would always be the love of her life even if he didn't realize that fact. It was enough that she did. Now that she was not so overwhelmed by her emotions she could see the situation between them with clarity. She was grateful for their time together and would cherish every single second she spent with him and hold tight to the memory of how he made her feel but she accepted that life would ultimately get in their way. It made things less complex if she concentrated on that reality rather than the hopes of a fairytale ending! She learned long ago that kind of love story didn't exist for her. Her love stories seemed to favor "_the better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all_" plot lines.

Brooke's thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone sitting on the nightstand next to her bed. She grabbed it, certain she knew who it was. After a quick glance at the caller ID to confirm her suspicions, she gave in to the impulse and ignored it. She did not have to answer it to know how their exchange would go. It was practically the same script and would be fairly brief, but how could it be anything else when she refused to share any of the details of what had been going on in his absence. He would ask how she was, to which she would answer fine as there was no point in telling him otherwise. There wasn't anything he could do for her from LA. This was her life and she needed to deal with it on her own, just as she always had. She would tell him work was keeping her busy and that her designs were coming along. For the most part this was true; just some days were more inspiring than others. He would inquire about Sam and she would tell him she was good, busy with school. She would offer him updates on Lucas and Peyton's complicated pregnancy and the progress being made as she came closer to her third trimester. Though she only filled him in on the details for Peyton and Lucas' upcoming wedding if he asked which he often did. She answered his questions about Haley, Nathan and Jamie. Then she would inquire about his day, how his work was going and if there were any new developments on the horizon for him. She would listen with avid interest to his respective answers, grateful to have turned the focal point of the conversation to him and his life. And each night he would promise to call the next. Every time he kept that promise he broke her heart a little more with the reminder that he was thousands of miles away. They ended their calls with declarations of love and how much they missed one another before hanging up. Talking to him was always bittersweet for her. She loved to catch up with him about his daily activities and for awhile their conversations managed to fill the void in her chest where her fragile heart beat but as soon as she soon as their connection was lost an immediate sense of loneliness would consume her. Even though this sensation occurred every single time it was impossible to develop any real defense against it. Knowing this made her all the more intent on finding a way to get over him before he made it imperative for her to do so. If she couldn't protect her heart, she needed to break it before he did because that was something she would never recover from.

For the second time Brooke was brought from her thoughts by the ringing of her phone. She knew it was out of character for her to not be available for his phone calls and though she was not in the mood for a chat it really wasn't fair of her to make him worry for no reason. She could not justify being that selfish, not with him. She was apprehensive to pick up the phone given how she raw she was feeling today and she doubted her abilities to pretend that her life was not on shaky foundation, just moments from it falling apart so completely. However that was an entirely unacceptable excuse to blow him off. She realized it would be a comfort to hear his voice, one she particularly needed since there was little else that could affect her the way he did. What harm could there be in indulging herself this small pleasure after the day she had, even if she didn't deserve it. Channeling every trick her mother had ever taught her about presenting a façade to the rest of the world, she conjured up a smile before greeting, "hello Sexy Producer Boy!"

************************************************************

Brooke woke up and glanced at the clock on her nightstand. The bright red lights informed her it was only 4:44am. This was a somewhat recent development but one she had come to expect now that Julian was gone. Her sleep was so restless that she woke up several times in the night and she didn't need anyone to tell her it was because she was missing him. Her dreams demonstrated how much she missed him in the night and the constant ache in her heart whispered it in all the hours of the day. No matter how much she fought to ignore it. Sighing heavily she turned over onto her side facing away from the clock; it wouldn't help to stare at it. She started to let her eyes drift shut when she noticed a figure sitting on the window seat, their eyes gazing upon her.

"Julian?" Brooke whispered softly, wondering if she was still dreaming because she wanted him to be there so badly.

When silence greeted her inquiry she slowly sat up in bed. Seriously worried that her mind might actually be playing tricks on her, she reached over for the light on the nightstand next to her bed. Her hand paused in mid reach as he instructed "no, keep it off."

Brooke complied with his wishes and turned back to face him as she asked, "what are you doing here?"

She waited for him to answer and as the silence stretched out, the more unnerved she became. She pulled her knees up to her chest but her eyes remained fixed on his silhouette framed by the window behind him.

Finally he began to speak, "I spent half of the flight here trying to figure out what to say to you when I saw you. The other half of it I spent trying to talk myself into getting on the next plane back to LA because what is the point of even talking to you when I already have my answer."

"The answer to what? I don't even know the question." She asked confused. None of this made any sense to her so far. She was trying to figure out why he would sound so resigned, when they had shared a perfectly normal conversation a few hours ago. Well it wasn't exactly normal since Brooke hadn't been completely honest with him but it had followed the usual pattern they had established.

"Why you never even asked me to stay? Even after you turned down my offer for you and Sam to move to LA with me, I kept waiting for you to ask me to stay. But you never did."

"Your life is in LA, I couldn't ask you to give that up."

"Why not? I asked you to give up yours here."

"That was different." The words sounded weak even to her. However it was the only answer she was comfortable providing him with.

"How so?"

She shrugged and replied "it just is."

"That is not a good enough answer Brooke." He exclaimed suddenly angry. "But what else should I expect. It's not like you have given me any straight answers since the day I left Tree Hill."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that even though I may be miles away I still know when something is bothering you."

"So you flew all the way back here to check on me?"

"Is that so hard to believe?" He challenged.

Yes, she wanted to reply but instead she countered with a question of her own, "why not just ask me over the phone if something was wrong? It was ridiculous for you to fly all this distance."

"Our previous conversations haven't exactly inspired a lot of faith in your communication skills as of late. Not that this one would be classified as any kind of success either."

The sarcasm in his words stung, mostly because it was true but she just wasn't ready to have this conversation with him yet. "What are you hoping to gain at 5 o'clock in the morning Julian?"

"Honest answers, I think I deserve that much."

She agreed that he deserved so much more than she was giving him."I thought we said all there was to say at the airport three weeks ago?"

"If I am recalling it correctly I did most of the talking. Just as I am now since you evade every question I toss your way."

"You are not going to let this go, are you?"

Julian offered her silence as his answer, crossing his arms and staring at her intently, expectantly.

Brooke looked away for the first time since she discovered him in her room. She began to toy with the fabric of her pale green sheets. "I wanted to ask you to stay but I couldn't. I was scared that you would say no. But I was even more afraid that you would say yes. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life waiting for the day you would realize I wasn't worth that kind of sacrifice. It was easier for me to let you go now rather than one day in the future. I always knew you would leave, it was just a matter of when." She confessed.

"Do you know how much it frustrates me to hear you say that?" He shouted causing her head to snap back up to meet his heated gaze. Though he immediately lowered his tone, it was still colored with frustration. "How many times do I have to prove myself to you? How many times do I have to fight for you Brooke Davis? I was willing to spend the rest of my life fighting for you if that was what you wanted. I just needed you to give me a reason. I needed you to show me that you wanted us as much as I did! What is it going to take for you to realize I am not Lucas Scott?" He demanded furiously.

"What does he have to do with any of this?" She asked genuinely shocked at the mention of her ex.

"Apparently everything since you refuse to let the past go."

"I came to terms with my past long before you ever came along Julian Baker." She exclaimed abruptly annoyed with the direction their discussion was heading.

"You could have fooled me! But maybe you're right. It was ridiculous for me to come back here. I think I had it right all along." He shook his head and muttered, "I can't keep doing this."

Julian stood up and pulled a key from the front pocket of his jeans. Brooke tracked his progress as he crossed the room. He made a detour on his way to the door to stand beside the bed. He placed the key on the nightstand next to the clock before he leaned down to place gentle kiss on her forehead and as he pulled back he regretfully whispered, "good-bye Brooke." She stared at his retreating back then down at the key to her front door laying on the surface of the light wood. Tears burned her eyes, blurring her vision until she saw several copies of the metal object as he disappeared from the room. From her life. It took several seconds for her to comprehend the significance his actions. It was not just the key to her house he was relinquishing; he was also abandoning all hope of ever finding the key to unlock her guarded heart. Quite simply Brooke knew Julian was done fighting for her. And unless she took action it was going to be over. A deep sense of loss and grief settled over her, in her heart, drowning her in sorrow. She had spent the last two weeks convincing herself that it would be best to let him go but that all changed the moment he showed up so unexpectedly to challenge her on her strange behavior lately. Seeing him again stirred up so many conflicting emotions, it had been so much easier to follow through with her decision when he hadn't been here but now that he was, it made it impossible for her to deny that she had no idea what the hell she was doing anymore. All she knew for certain was that allowing him walk out of the house would be a mistake, one she would regret for the rest of her life. One she absolutely could not live with.

She scrambled out of bed and rushed out of her room, down the hallway passed Sam's room and around the staircase just in time to see him reach for the door. Before he had a chance to open it she slipped in front of him, leaning her weight up against the door as much to prevent him from opening it as the hard wood helped to support her knees from collapsing on her. "Wait," she implored him with tears shimmering in her eyes. She was struggling to keep them from falling and the effort was making it difficult for her to breathe.

Julian took a step away from her putting more distance between them but said nothing. She watched as he shoved his hands into his pockets as his eyes met hers. The light that she always left on in the kitchen during the night provided enough illumination for her to get her first good look at Julian. From the short space separating them she couldn't mistake the pain she saw reflected in his hazel eyes. A pain could not deny she was responsible for and that made the ache in her chest all the more unbearable. In that instant all of the carefully constructed shields manufactured by all the lies she told herself to get through the last two weeks immediately shattered when confronted with the evidence of how utterly unhappy he was, how unhappy **SHE** had made him. It had never once occurred to her that she actually had the power to break his heart and yet that is exactly how he looked. She was tormented by the thought and couldn't remember a time when she had ever felt worse about herself than she did while staring at him. She was willing to do anything she could to erase that defeated look from his usually beautiful eyes.

"Can we go back to my room and discuss this? I would rather not wake up Sam." She explained waiting for him to respond but again he said nothing, did nothing in response to her request. "Please," she added as she realized she had never seen him this way, so cold and reserved, especially with her. She supposed it was no less than she deserved considering the way she had carelessly treated him the last couple of weeks. She empathized with him as she recognized well the signs of fighting an inner struggle, which he clearly was.

Julian finally gave a nod of agreement and Brooke gestured for him to lead the way. She was afraid if she moved from the door he would leave the first chance he got. Julian turned around and she followed behind him trying to prepare herself for she needed to do. This was not going to be easy. It had been so long since she had made herself vulnerable for a guy. But if there was one who was worth it, it was definitely the one standing before her.

Julian sat down on the bed while she chose to remain standing, leaning back against the door once again for support. She flicked on the lights from the switch on the wall next to her head so he could see fully how much this cost her. She hoped he would see how much he meant to her as she prepared to give him a speech of her own.

"This is so messed up and I know I have no one but myself to blame. I have been so unfair to you. As much as I hate to admit it, there may have been some truth in what you said about me realizing you are not Lucas Scott. My heart knows that but my head doesn't seem to understand. I stopped listening to my heart a long time ago because twice it led me to Lucas and twice my heart was broken into a million different pieces. Since then I have spent the past four years guarding my heart and creating so many walls in the event that someone might come along and tempt me to risk it again. It was actually pretty easy until you came along with your arrogance and charm, your illegal grin and kind eyes, your wit and intelligence, your humor and compassion for Sam, your devastating ability to give me exactly what I need without my asking and your willingness to fight for me when most guys would have recognized long ago that I was not worth the effort and given up. You amaze me and inspire me on so many levels. Yet it doesn't matter how incredible you are because I haven't been able to give you all of my heart. I find myself doing the exact same thing I once accused Lucas of and I think that was a huge part of the reason he and I couldn't ever really work. Lucas was not willing to let me all the way in, not like he was able to do with Peyton. I don't know if that was a conscious decision on his part or something that just happened, I suppose it doesn't really matter since the end result would still be the same. I do not have to wonder what is going on here because I know my actions are premeditated. There was no way I could let you all the way in and still protect my heart the way I resolved to do all those years ago. Each day I spent with you I was fighting an internal battle because it was becomingly increasing difficult to maintain that essential distance I so desperately needed to survive. Part of me was relieved when you left. With you gone I could get back to the basics because I realized how much I was coming to rely on you, how much I was expecting you to be around all the time to share the good things as well as the bad and that was dangerous territory for me. Loving you is so easy but giving you my heart seems to be near impossible when I am so terrified of exposing myself to the possibility of experiencing that kind of crushing pain again. I am not sure I am capable of that leap of faith and if that is the case, I am really not sure where all of this leaves us."

All during her speech Brooke had been careful to look him directly in the eyes, searching for any signs that her words were having any kind of effect on him. She found nothing to support her hopes that she was reaching him, breaking down the barriers he had put up since their earlier conversation.

A few tense moments passed before he broke the excruciating stillness that surrounded them. "We are left with two options; we can both wish one another the best and go our separate ways. Just say the word and I will be on the next plane back to LA Brooke. Or I can stay here and we can work on this together." He suggested logically, his voice betraying no hint of emotion.

"I can't ask you to take that kind of chance Julian. Your life is in LA." She repeated.

"You are not asking," he reminded her patiently, "and that is part of the problem that we are going to have to work on. My business contacts are in Los Angeles Brooke but my home is where you and Sam are. The past few weeks have only served to remind me how empty my life was before you entered it. I can make movies anywhere but I can only make a family with you. No relationship comes with a guarantee or a crystal ball but I am willing to take a chance on you Brooke Davis. The more important question remains, are you ready to take a chance on me and what we can have?"

He was the answer to everything she had stopped wishing for and only a fool would dare to give this up. Brooke Davis was not a fool, or at least she wasn't one any longer. She understood now that every protective measure she thought was crucial to her remaining in one piece was inconsequential compared the overwhelming amount of love she felt for Julian. In loving him, the damage had already been done and she was breaking both of their hearts for no apparent reason other than letting a few insecurities dictate her life and cheat her out of something so incredible."I love you too much not to try," she replied softly.

"I was hoping you would say that." He replied just as softly, giving her his first smile all night.

Brooke recalled some advice she imparted to Millie not too long ago, the opportunity of love doesn't knock often but when it does, you **HAVE** to let it in. The time had come for her to throw that door wide open instead of standing behind it peering around the corner. It was time she began to fight for the love she had always dreamed of. She took a deep breath and gave him the words he desired to hear. "Julian Baker will you leave behind your life in LA and stay here in Tree Hill to build a new life with me and Sam? I would ask you to move in with us but with Sam it makes things a bit more complicated. I swear I am not using her as an excuse or anything to keep you at a safe distance. It is just-"

"Brooke," he interrupted her ramble by gently calling her name. "I know and it is okay. We will take things slow."

Brooke nodded relieved that he understood yet not surprised at all. He was Julian and he always seemed to give her what she needed without her having to ask.

"See was that so hard," he teased offering her another one of his grins that made never failed to produce what seemed like a million butterflies to flutter in her stomach.

"Terrifying actually," she admitted candidly causing him to laugh. "But I would rather fight my demons together than take the easy way out and regret losing the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time, aside from Sam of course."

"Of course," he agreed. "We are going to make this work." He promised her. "I wish I could tell you that I am never going to hurt you but that would be untrue. It is inevitable that we are going to hurt each other Brooke at some point through all of this because it is what couples do but I will never break your heart. I never want to do anything that is going to cause you the pain you suffered all those years ago. I love you and I am going to make sure that all my choices honor as well as cherish the extraordinary heart you are trying to entrust to me."

Brooke saw the sincerity in his eyes and fought back the tears his words had inspired. He really was her very own miracle. "I believe you."

"Good. I would say that we are halfway there then."

"Though I am not quite sure why you would even want my scarred heart."

"No matter how scarred it may be it is still the most beautiful heart I have ever encountered. Who knows perhaps someday it will heal completely. In any case I hope that you will at least let me try."

"How do you always know exactly what to say to me?" She wondered aloud but shook her head before he could answer. "I really am sorry I screwed things up so badly."

"You're forgiven. Besides it was bound to happen eventually considering how many times I screwed up with you in the beginning. It seemed like every time we hung out I did something wrong. It is nice to know that you are not perfect in the relationship department either." He teased her again.

Brooke smiled enjoying the reference to their rocky start. "Far from it apparently but I guess this does make us even. Or maybe it gives you a free pass on the next time you screw up since mine was far more damaging than yours comparatively."

"That is not true, though I do like the idea of a free pass."

"I bet you do considering how tough those speeches are."

"No kidding," he replied and they both laughed.

"Now why don't you come over here and tell me what else has been bothering you since I left." He invited as he sat back against the headboard and stretched out on the bed, patting the space beside him.

"You know me so well." She said pushing eagerly away from the door.

"It is a work in progress," he corrected her.

Brooke climbed into the bed and fell into his welcoming arms. As soon as his arms closed around her she released the storm of tears, knowing the worst between them had been weathered. She felt him rub her back in long soothing strokes and his touch immediately calmed her. Once most of her tears had been shed she felt a gentle tug on her hair and tipped her head back to look at him. She was extremely relieved to see there was no lingering evidence of the misery that had clouded his eyes just a short while ago. Instead they were shining with happiness and that filled her with so much joy. She was also mildly intimidated to discover she could have such a major effect on him. It was exhilarating and frightening at the same time though she thought it was only fair since he seemed to have the same effect on her.

He tenderly wiped the tears from her cheeks before he quietly replied, "I love you."

Brooke smiled and replied emotionally "I love you." The sheer perfection of the moment caused tears to fill her eyes again but rather than give in to them she leaned up enough to catch his lips beneath hers. Their mouths brushed against one another in soft and tender kisses, both content to exchange several deep and lingering kisses. Brooke was tempted, very tempted, to take their kissing to the next level but decided it would be best to save that until after Sam left for school. Then they would have the house all to themselves for several hours, more than enough time for a proper reunion. Knowing how easy it would be for them to get lost in one another she reluctantly pulled back with a sigh as she laid her head back down on his snuggled in next to him, wrapping her arm tightly around his waist and breathed in the familiar scent of him before she interrupted peace that surrounded them with words. "I really have missed you. I have been completely miserable without you," she confessed.

"It's been hell without you." He confided, as his hands began to play with her silky hair. "Tell me what else is going on with you, so we will deal with it together. You are not alone anymore."

"I like the sound of that. I really am glad you are here."

"There is nowhere else I want to be," he assured her as he placed a kiss on the side of her temple as he pulled her closer to him.

Because she believed in him, more than she ever had in her entire life, she proceeded to tell him all about Sam, the letter from Sam's birth mother and the reentry of Victoria in her and Sam's life. They discussed the situation until they heard Sam start to get ready for school at six-thirty am. Brooke reluctantly left the shelter of his arms to prepare breakfast for her daughter. Julian joined her in the kitchen, keeping her company since she refused to accept his offer of help. Thirty minutes later Brooke called out to Sam that breakfast was ready. Sam walked into the room and took a seat beside Julian to his right since he occupied the chair at head of the table while Brooke sat on the left positioning her directly across from Sam. Brooke watched as Sam reached for the carafe of orange juice in the middle of the table and Sam commented, "Dude it took you long enough."

Julian smiled and reached over to affectionately ruffle Sam's neatly combed hair. "I missed you too Samson."

Brooke smiled in contentment as her daughter smiled before taking a bite of the French toast. This was the life she had always dreamed of and now it was finally within her reach. She was willing to do whatever it was necessary to ensure she finally had her happy ending. All in all this was a pretty fabulous start, she thought as Julian started to interrogate Samantha on all that he had missed in her life the past three weeks.

**AN2: Just to clear up any possible misunderstandings… Julian was gone for a total of three weeks but there were references made by Brooke about two weeks. Technically Julian had only been gone a few days before Brooke had her sudden epiphany and began to distance herself emotionally from Julian. I tried my best to make it clear and I hope this didn't cause any confusion. If it did, I apologize and hope you will forgive me. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I would really love to hear what you thought of it…good or bad. **


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